Easy read and translate
Talking about ASD with family and friends
Once you have come to terms with your child’s diagnosis, you will also want to consider how you tell your other children, members of your family, your friends and the child with ASD themselves.
Explore the topics on this page:
Siblings
Siblings will often find things difficult too. They may find it difficult to understand the behaviours of their brother or sister with ASD. They may feel rejected if their sibling does not want to play with them, or does not respond to their social advances in the way they would like.
Sometimes other children can feel as if you are not giving them as much attention, or even as if you do not love them as much. Children, especially younger ones can find this difficult to explain to parents so may show their feelings in the way they behave. Sometimes other children start to behave differently as a means of securing their parent’s attention.
Providing siblings with information about autism will depend on their age and level of understanding. There are different ways to give information and this will depend on the needs of the individual child. For example, some will prefer to read a book; others would rather watch a video, whilst others will be happy to discuss it face-to-face with you or someone else. It may be helpful to provide them with a basic overview and then answer questions as and when they arise, giving simple and specific information.
Friends and family
Members of your family and friends may have noticed that your child sometimes behaves differently from other children. It is important that family and others understand what an autistic spectrum disorder is so that they can help to support your child and you appropriately.
Initially you may decide to only tell those closest to you but the decision to tell family and friends will be individual to you and your personal circumstances. Provide them with some basic information about autism and explain how it specifically affects your child and their behaviour. Let them know how best they can help and support you and your child.
Different people will react in different ways to the news. When there is denial about the diagnosis, especially from wider family members who may not know the child as well, it may be an idea to provide some information about ASD. They may offer unhelpful or well-meaning but misguided comments but providing them with appropriate information may help. Reading about typical signs / behaviours can often help others to understand, as people often do not realise what an ASD is.
Family and friends may be unsure about ASD or specific aspects of your child’s behaviour so encourage them to talk to you if they want to know more or there’s something they don’t understand.
Accept help and support from family and friends when it’s offered. Sometimes people feel reluctant to offer help because they are unsure how they can help so think of some practical ways that they could help.
Telling your child they have ASD
There is no hard and fast rule about when to tell your child and this will depend on personal circumstances. Their diagnosis may mean that their level of understanding or ability to process language is different to other children their age so the right time or age to discuss the diagnosis will depend on their individual abilities, needs and emotional strength and these are all factors you will want to consider. However, you are their parent and you know them best.
Some parents decide to tell their child when they are young so that they gradually become aware of their differences whilst others prefer to wait until their child is a little older so that they will understand better. If children are told about their condition and provided with the support they need it is suggested that the likelihood of problems occurring decreases. Some children may begin to ask questions and this may be a good time to talk to them. However, be aware that some children may have questions but not know how to express them.
When talking to your child about their diagnosis try and be as positive as possible. Use language and information according to their age and level of understanding. It may be a good idea to provide minimal information to begin with and add more over time. Your child may need some time to process the information and may have mixed emotions about their diagnosis. It is important to let them know that they can talk to you about how they are feeling or any questions they may have.
There are a range of books and resources that may be useful for you to use and you could speak to any professional involved or indeed other parents to help you with this. Please see below for some potentially useful resources.
